A Trick with a Terrible Treat
by Shadow Hunt
Summary: Harry Potter, a boy, is known as the Girl-Who-Lived with no way to prove otherwise- all because his father just couldn't resist playing the ultimate Halloween joke on Lily hours before Voldemort attacked. Fate is a cruel thing. Gray!Harry
1. Prologue: Sirius's POV

**Disclaimer**: I in no way or form have any ownership over the Harry Potter series, and do not pretend to. Some dialogue in this story will be directly taken from the Harry Potter series so all credit to those portions must be given to J.K. Rowling.

**Summary**: Harry Potter, a boy, is known as the Girl-Who-Lived with no way to prove otherwise- all because his father just couldn't resist playing the ultimate Halloween joke on Lily hours before Voldemort attacked. Fate is a cruel thing.

**Warnings**: Heterosexuality and homosexuality (All depends how you look at Harry's, erm, situation haha); a darker Harry; perhaps one too many curse words later on in the story; and every other canon warning there might be is likewise included. There will be more kissing than in canon though, because hey, they're bloody teenagers people! They kiss- a lot. It's sort of the teenager thing.

**Rating: **T or PG-13. They're roughly the same.

**Notes**: So here's the thing with this little story of mine: I really like using different and not overly used POVs while writing. I just think that looking at a story from a character's perspective that's not necessarily the protagonist gives more depth and insight to the writing, or in some cases when I want to surprise you readers, less. But this will mainly only be for the first few chapters when Harry is too young to get a decent POV from.

My other main love in writing is humor. So if I fail at this, please let me know! I mean, there will of course be parts that are serious, but overall I'd rather put a smile to people's faces. But if you laugh even once I claim a review at least saying "lol", and I'm pretty sure you'll laugh several times :) So please continue on and giggle!

**A Trick with a Terrible Treat**

_Written by Shadow Hunt_  
_Inspired by late night talks with Darkowand_

**Prologue - Sirius's POV**

It was suppose to be a joke to lighten the mood around the house, that was all. It was a small joke when James cast the spell, just to make Lily flip her lid so he and I could get a few good laughs over it, but the joke sort of blew out of proportion. Okay, so it _really_ blew out of proportion. So much so that it has fooled the entire world, muggles and wizards alike- and that's no exaggeration ladies and gents, no matter how much I wish it was. Then again, it's probably the only thing that's kept me sanely laughing all these years in Azkaban so maybe I should be thankful for it.

But before I go into any details, maybe I should start from the very beginning just so it can be seen that I'm perfectly innocent of all charges that might be thought to be thrown upon my unholy self. Then again, when has anyone cared whether or not I'm innocent? I'm Black by name, so apparently I must be black by nature. Off with my black head they say!

Just to state a fact though, my head is rather handsome so I don't see why people don't seem to want it on my equally handsome body. Silly people with their silly prejudices blinding them... Off with _their _head _I _say!

I seem to have digressed...

James and I were sitting in his living room with his son Harry, sweet ickle Harry, in between us crawling around like any normal baby boy would. It was Halloween morning, our favorite time of the year next to April Fools day, but with the war going on and the Potters being under the Fidelius charm because of said war, we couldn't do anything but enchant Harry's baby toys to attack each other. Though we did that all the time, so our boredom was obviously at it's peek. I mean we were the Marauders for Merlin's sake! We pranked the living snot out of Hogwarts since year one, and each and every Halloween, _without fail_, we would cast a rain of terror like none other upon the students! Even in the few years we had been out of Hogwarts my muggle neighbors and a select many others were scared shitless from our brilliant creations! (Frankenstein's monster-in-law? Yeah, our idea.) With that logic in our minds, James and I had decided that there was no way Voldemort could ruin _our_ holiday just like he ruined our _year_. We deserved at least one day of fun!

Only problem is that our one day of fun has turned into _ten years_ of fun. But Fate is just funny like that.

So there we were, watching my enchanted army men fight off his Lego soldiers (all of whom with that pathetic line-smile) when it hit me. It was the perfect prank to pull on Lily, since it would come from left field and hit her right in the heart. It'd scare her out of her knickers too, and _that's_ what Halloween is all about! The only problem was distracting Lily long enough not to notice the spell we'd have to put on Harry, which was fairly strong since it was a permanent transillusionment charm that could only be broken by the caster and the only one that can't see it is the subject of said charm. We had used this charm on a poor Ravenclaw bloke our third year in Hogwarts when he told us we didn't know half of the spells he knew. Well, he might have been right, but at least the few we did know he couldn't do shite about.

Now Lily was hard at work on cooking a Halloween feast for the four of us in the kitchen, completely oblivious to our mischievous plans to enact M.A.D: Mission of Absolute Distraction. By enlarging our army's heights to reach our knees and sending them off to the kitchen to do battle with the pots and pans we easily managed to complete our mission with complete success. It was a proud moment for the both of us. We heard her scream James's name in a way that would be all right in bed I reasoned and cast a few spells at our armies. As she was about to cast her third James turned to Harry and cast our own spell on the unsuspecting boy.

Harry had blinked a few times quite cutely when the spell hit him before continuing on his merry way towards his enchanted toy box that would automatically give him whatever toy he wanted. That way, we didn't have to keep guessing until he stopped crying. That little bugger was as picky as my mum, but at least he didn't hate all things abnormal. Well if he did we didn't know it, and I really hope he hasn't started hating the weird and crazy since he's been living with Lily's sister's family, because I clearly remember Lily complaining about them being like that on quite a few occasions before her death. I also really hope that Dumbledore has moved Harry somewhere else since I last heard from that he was living with those rotten muggles, but somehow I find myself _highly_ doubting that.

After Lily got our armies back to their original states, she stomped into the living room to give us a rather nasty lecture on proper living room warfare and how it should never enter neutral territory- a.k.a. The Kitchen. Luckily James was smart enough to silently cast a spell to make the magic train Harry was holding explode in light and sparks so Lily would stop her yelling. It also gave a possible reason behind what she would soon find.

Instantly Lily rushed over to the crying-kid-who-peed-his-pants-in-fright. After she had calmed Harry down some, she put him on the changing table and took off his diaper to replace it when…

"JAMES! SIRIUS!" Lily had yelled, but this time I think she more resembled a banshee then anything else, which was obviously why my fellow Marauder and I covered our ears before remembering we were suppose to be concerned at that tone. James and I rushed over to her side in fake but very well acted worry, looking down at their son that should have a little baby wee-wee sticking out between his chubby legs, not a vagina. But a vagina he had and Lily flipped the lid we knew she would! She also fainted, an added bonus.

After that I don't know what happened at the Potter house exactly because I had left James to take care of a passed out Lily on his own to do some shopping. That was my excuse at least. I personally just didn't want to be there when the red head woke up and started throwing a hissy fit when she figured out that we were the culprits of her Halloween scare. Unfortunately, she never did find out since she would have forced James to change Harry back the instant he told her, and considering that Harry is now considered to be the Girl-Who-Lived, I know the spell was never taken off.

But why oh why would James let such a joke carry on for the next ten years you ask? Simple. Because hours later they were murdered by the feared Lord Voldemort, not giving him a chance to take off the transillusionment charm so his son could be seen as a son.

Like I said, Fate is funny like that.

Now there are two other things I should probably explain since I bet you're wondering why neither Dumbledore nor I told anyone that Harry is biologically a boy, and technically still is just that nobody but himself can see that. My case is rather simple and stupid, being that I had run without thinking like I so often do as soon as heard my best mate and his wife were murdered. That had lead me to tracking and fighting their Secret-Keeper, Death Eater Peter Pettigrew. Who, I would like to add, no one knew was their Secret-Keeper or even that he was a Death Eater and instead thought both things were me due to a not so genius idea to flip-flop the two of us. I would have been the obvious choice to hide the Potter's location, so obviously we had to pick the not so obvious person. It was one of the smartest decisions we had ever made, and yet the dumbest.

To cut a long story short, I got blamed for the murders of twelve muggles and Peter after said fight. Actually though, it was Peter's fault and his nifty and diabolical escape plan. Because yes, he's not dead, just without a pinky. I also didn't get a trial to tell anyone any of this or of Harry's predicament, so you can see how I'm clearly off the hook for this little gender bender trick on the world. I blame the Black family name for my luck.

Dumbledore on the other hand is a right fool. He honestly thought that the rebounded killing curse that Voldemort had cast on Harry had somehow transfigured his body into that of a girl's. Since no one else in history had survived the curse, they just put it down as a side affect of surviving it (though this is knowledge only shared by a select few). The old man had even said that it was Voldemort's power that stopped them from being able to change Harry back. And so, with that theory firmly placed in mind, Dumbledore released to the world that Harley Lily Potter, the once unannounced twin (to keep her safe was the excuse for not telling people before) of the now allegedly dead Harry James Potter, was the baby that survived the Killing curse and killed the Dark Lord.

So now you know of James's final Halloween joke on the world, one where Harley Lily Potter (horrible name if you ask me) is really Harry James Potter and the only one who can actually see he's a boy is himself. Poor thing must be terribly confused. Probably doesn't help any that Lily's sister always wanted a girl.

But you know, it would have been one hell of a brilliant trick if it weren't for the rather nasty treats that came along with it


	2. Chapter One: Petunia's POV

**Notes:** Sorry this took so long to have posted! Honestly though, this chapter might never have been seen by any of you if it wasn't for my lovely Beta and Muse, Stardom. Her review really inspired me to want to continue this story, so round of applause to her! This might have been out sooner if it wasn't for that nasty hurricane cutting off my power for so many days, but oh well. Here's the official chapter one, and I really hope you all like it! Petunia was hard to write, but I think I managed to make her slightly humorous? Not as great as Sirius (because he's just bloody awesome), but I had to let ya'll know the reasoning for her antics concerning her new "daughter"... Oh my. Please let me know what you think :)

**A Trick with a Terrible Treat**

_Written by Shadow Hunt  
__Beta Read by Stardom and Darkowand_

**Chapter One– Petunia's POV**

For several years now I have been married to a very handsome and husky man. I have one son, who's perfect, and a house on number four Privet Drive with a wonderful view of the rest of the neighborhood and it's occupant's windows.

Vernon's a brilliantly hard-working husband, who had just been promoted to _Director_ of Grunnings, much to the envy of the ladies down the lane. I heard them gossiping about it one morning when I was closely examining the inside of a bush. It was a dying bush, I decided, and shame on the owner for not keeping their yard as perfect as mine. Still, I waited until I could make a clean getaway before I tip-toed back into my house to gleefully tell my husband.

Vernon and I had long since decided that we only wanted one kid so that we could spoil them with the full amount of our love and not have to divide it evenly. We had both been on the forgotten side of our own parent's affections since both our sisters were deemed perfect beings since birth. Though Marge, Vernon's sister, was later found a few pounds short of transcendental status due to her failing grades. Though in other areas, I suppose she might be more than a few pounds _over_... I doubt she'll ever find a man with her looking like that. Last time I recommended a new diet to her, Marge had- Oh never mind. The bottom line is, I got a new kitchen table after that.

_Anyways_, with her empire toppled, normalcy was restored to Vernon's household and he was given the things he rightly deserved. He had said he hadn't minded it being the other way though, since he was a boy and it taught him to be tough skinned and career-focused due to his thinking he'd have to fend for himself. Made him make the right choices too, such as marrying me.

Normalcy never occurred in my own home. Lily was always hailed as the perfect daughter, and I was left alone to make a family out of dolls. Mr. Hobby Hippo and Count Pumpkin made excellent tea time conspirators.

While I have to agree with my husband that my situation made me make the right decisions (like marrying him), I think that, since I'm a girl, I never took it quite so well as he. To this day I wouldn't mind turning back the clock and somehow make it so my rotten sister was never born with such perfect eyes and just as pretty red hair. I'd make sure she wasn't a... a _that,_ too.

And since I wasn't a... _that_, like my sister (thankfully), I cant actually turn back time like she probably could. I wouldn't put it past her that she had gone back in time once or twice just to make sure I had the worst possible home life. What I did instead was swear that if I ever had a daughter of my own I'd make sure she wasn't treated as I was. And boy did I want a daughter! Dress-up had always been one of my favorite pastimes as a young girl.

I was, however, blessed with an angelic son one June, and we named him Dudley.

And thus life was absolutely perfect.

At least it was until the day I opened my front door one foggy Wednesday morning and saw a baby in a basket giggling at my shocked face. A happy baby, with Lily's green eyes.

I screamed.

"Petunia!" Vernon clambered down the steps in a muddled fashion. His shirt was still unbuttoned, and his prim blond hair was a mess. In other moments, I might think about kissing him. In this moment, I desperately wished I could slam the door shut and never step outside again. "Petunia what's wrong!"

What's wrong? Everything! Our perfect life was over!

I had to remain calm. Breathe in... Breathe out. Vernon was not one to be trusted when it came to making decisions through anger. The last time he had done so we ended up in London with no shoes and ten dollars to our name. I dare not recall the reason behind _that_ fiasco.

Breathe in...

"Vernon, dear..."

Breath out.

Be wise, I told myself, but how did I tell him Lily's only child was on our front step without him going bonkers? Even_ I_ wasn't sure I was on stable ground! We didn't need another boy in the house, especially not one with bad blood.

He peered around my shoulder and started sputtering, "What is that... that _thing_ doing there?" I had no answer for his question.

"It's my sister's baby, Vernon." I crouched down and fingered the pink blanket it was wrapped around. Wait- p_ink_? Out of all the daft things I could remember Lily doing- which wasn't much, in all honesty, but I wasn't in an honest mood- this was the stupidest. I would have thought even the small amount of doll-playing my sister joined in on as a kid would teach her the proper boy and girl colors, but I suppose not. Why Lily was praised as a genius, I might never know.

A soft 'smack' was heard as Vernon's palm slammed against the threshold. "I knew something was happening! Those rotten Potters, having a baby and deciding to leave it to us to take care of just because they want to continue about doing what they want to do without a kid to hinder them. Good for nothings, we always knew they were!"

I nodded my head in agreement before I paused and replayed my husband's words. "_I knew something was happening!_" And then I realized that I should have been more suspicious yesterday evening when Vernon had asked me about Lily. We never talked about my sister! In fact, we mostly pretended I was an only child- just the way I liked it.

"Er - Petunia, dear - you haven't heard from your sister lately, have you?"

It was the previous night and I had just handed Vernon his evening cup of tea as he had sat watching the telly. I nearly dropped my own cup at his question.

"No," I had responded sharply. "Why?"

"Funny stuff on the news," Vernon mumbled. "Owls... shooting stars... and there were a lot of funny-looking people in town today..."

"So?"

"Well, I just thought... maybe... it was something to do with... you know... her crowd."

Being reminded that my sister was one of those "funny-looking" people was not in accordance to usual small talk. My sister's family was our family secret, after all. Last time we had talked about them was right around Lily's wedding, when we were discussing what we should wear to stand out as the only normal ones at the event. To make everyone jealous, of course, that they weren't normal too. As it so happened, no one even tried to talk to us except for some gangly- and rather handsome- Mr. Black. They were all too green with envy to converse with us Dursleys, I was sure.

I sipped my tea through pursed lips.

"Their son – he'd be about Dudley's age now, wouldn't he?"

"I suppose so," said I stiffly. I idly wondered how I might be able to escape this conversation. Did my ickle little baby popkins need another lullaby? Maybe some milk?

Vernon looked pale. "What's his name again? Howard, isn't it?"

"Harry. Nasty, common name, if you ask me." Nothing like Dudley's. Vernon had heard the name use to be some royal knight's back in the day of old. It was the perfect name for my little Dudders. He would surely be very knightly when he got older.

"Oh, yes," said my husband with an odd, devastated sort of look. "Yes, I quite agree."

And that was the end of the talk before we went to bed, and now here I was, wrestling with Lily's son for the letter he held in his hand. The writing on the outside of the envelope looked as if it had been written with an old-fashion quill, more than that, _by_ someone who had a lot of practice with said quill. I immediately wanted to burn it- I just _knew_ that one of the funnies had written it- but Vernon made a good point when he said that it might tell us why Harry was left here.

Vernon crouched down next to me, and as we read, we came to realize quite a few things.

Lily was dead, as well as her husband James- murdered even. A friend had betrayed them to a dark man.

Harry, their son, was dead too. But here in my arms was Harry's twin sister Harley, who we were never told about because my sister had wanted at least one baby safely hidden to proceed them, if it came down to it. It explained the pink blanket at least, and made me think a little more highly of my sister, but only a little. Lily was still stupid for choosing murderers as friends- I swore I'd teach Harley better.

The girl had a lightning bolt mark on her forehead that she earned from killing the dark man who murdered her family, somehow. It was a rather gruesome looking scar since it was still so fresh. Perhaps some medicine might fix it up?

"We could give her to the local orphanage. Someone will buy that freak.", growled Vernon through clenched teeth.

And we tried, we really did. But every orphanage we went to would push us out as soon as we told them we wanted to rid ourselves of the abomination in our hands and showed our identifications to the front clerk. One, though, offered to adopt Harley herself, but the evil gleam in her eyes made me think something was terribly wrong with her. That was the only time we escorted ourselves out of the building.

About a day after our last try, we were sitting in the living room in horror thinking we'd have to take care of a little freak. My little Diddydums was all we needed- all we ever wanted!

Then I realized something quite suddenly.

"She might not be a freak, Vernon. Maybe Lily... Maybe she was too ashamed that her daughter wasn't a... _that_. Maybe that's why she didn't tell us about Harley. She could be normal..." It sounded so reasonable in my mind right then, like that was of course the real explanation.

Something in Vernon's eyes sparked and he took a closer look at the girl. "The neighbors would think we're kind people if they knew we took in your sister's kid. May say we're some sort of hero." Being the talk of the neighborhood always put more stride to our step, especially when it was praising gossip.

Like two thieves planning, we huddled together and started whispering of what do with Harley and how to go about showing her off.

"We got that cupboard under the stairs. All it does is collect dust. No one would know she slept there- wouldn't even take up space in our house!"

"I need to buy some dresses... and some tiny heels..."

"Teach her to clean when she gets older! Take the load off you, Petunia dear."

"Oh and a tiny purse! Everyone will be jealous of our Harley..."

"She can cook too. Eggs and bacon should be an easy thing for her! Maybe pancakes too?"

"I still have my old dolls. They're a bit ragtag though... I hear Toys-R-Us is having a good sale!"

Vernon blinked.

"Wait a minute now... I'm not buying her stuff!"

"I'm not sending a _girl_ to daycare with torn dolls and old clothes, Vernon."

"Who said anything about daycare!"

"The neighbors would be suspicious if we only send our popkin!"

Vernon crossed his arms. I was right, and he knew it.

"This is starting to sound like an awful lot of money, dear."

"Just think, we'll be the talk of the neighborhood! Heroes, Vernon. _Heroes_!"

"Well I... I suppose it might be worth it..."

I smiled in victory.

When Vernon left for Grunnings that morning, I set to work on readying the cupboard for the newest member of the household. I would not have a little girl sleep in a dust infected space where diseases may be running amok! Girls were weaker against disease, and I certainly wasn't planning on paying for a hospital bill. I should have cleaned it years ago!

While humming, I completely forgot about Mrs. Next Door's blossoming affair with the babysitter, as well as Mr. Over There's new Ford. No, all that was on my mind was a certain little girl with big, big pigtails.

* * *

I'm super worried about how I did on this chapter... It's been so long since I wrote Harry Potter! Please review- even if it's just criticism, because that helps a lot more than you might think! :)


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